Doing things right in the Matters of the Heart

John Ensor introduces us great examples of Biblical manhood and womanhood in his book Doing Things Right in the Matters of the Heart. The objective of the book is to "provide a winsomely radical alternative to the prevailing ideas, almost absolute doctrines, that guide out current thinking about manhood and womanhood and define our actions and expectations when pursuing matters of the heart."

In the first section he deals with what the heart of manhood and womanhood is according to the Bible... In Ensor's words "What does it mean to be a man and not a woman? What is distinctively meaningful about being a woman and not a man? What marks the mature man? What does it mean to be, dare I say a godly man? What marks the mature and godly woman and makes her attractive and fulfilled How do we complement and fit together?" The second section he lays out the ways to answer these questions. The book is written for both genders which helped me to not only know female roles but also to learn what the godly male role is to look like and understand that a bit better how they work together.

I want to share what is one of my favorite quotes from the book. It is is reference to the man initiating and the woman responding.

"I was speaking with a small circle of college students, Christian brother in their mid-twenties mostly. One of them expressed the problem squarely. "I don't like to ask until I see all the right signals that she is going to say yes.

My response? "Coward! You are the man."

By this I meant to say that being a man means something distinctive.

Brothers, it falls to us to be the initial risk takers in matter of the heart. Headship means being the one to go ahead and ask.

It is ours as men to suffer the embarrassment of rejection if need be. It is our role to initiate. It is hers to respond with a signal of reception or rejection. Get to it merrily.

We are the hunters. They are the quarry. It is for men to strike out into the forest and look. It is for women to crack the twigs and stir the leaves so we know were to find them." (p. 91-92)